Cancer, alziemers and an orphan.

I feel like I need to write about my story, my life I get so many confused looks when I talk about bits of my life because I guess it is confusing when you hear parts of it, I always get lots of questions from people and then they always apologise when I answer them. I swear I could make a film on my life its that dramatic!

Well here we go.

When I was two years old my daddy died of cancer, I don’t remember him although I do get told I was a daddy’s girl and that when he was on his dying bed I was layed with him cuddling him and that plays over in my head a lot! I always try to imagine what he was like from what people have said about him, I try and imagine what it would be like to have a daddy but I guess I’ll never know!

I love the way my daddy stares at me in such a loving way on this photo! 💖

When my daddy passed away my mummy was too poorly to look after us four kids so my brothers lived with our mummy because they were the eldest and my sister and I went to live with our grandparents.

Now this was normal to us as we lived with them from such a little age we used to take it in turns at sleeping at our mummy’s house at the weekends and she did take us on holidays to Wales which I have some great memories from! Christmas time was spent at my grandparents and my brothers and my mummy would sleep over and it was great.

One day after school my mummy came round to speak to my sister and I and what came next was the best question I’ve ever been asked! She asked if my sister and I would like to go and live with her and the boys and obviously we said YES! But the next bit was an even bigger shock, she explained that her doctor had advised her that if she lived in a country like Spain with the sun and everything it might improve her health and she explained that the boys and her were going out to Spain to see what it was like and see if we wanted to live there!

Now this was the biggest news of my life so far and it was amazing!

So my brothers and my mummy went out to Spain as planned to look around and maybe find somewhere to live, then came the phone call that changed our lives forever! My mummy had found a lump and was booked in for the doctors, I don’t remember how long it was from that phonecall up until the next phonecall giving us the news but it seemed like a lifetime of waiting! Then she rang with the heartbreaking news she had been diagnosed with breast cancer 💔

She started off researching natural remedies for cancer at first so didn’t start treatment with the hospital for a while, meanwhile my sister and I went out to Spain to live with mum and the boys.

Living in Spain was the most amazing yet heartbreaking time of my life.

Living with mum was great! I feel like I got to know her better and became closer to her. We made some great friends in Spain and we were always out having fun and they were almost like family to be honest. My sister and I occasionally went back to England to stay with our grandparents and see our friends aswell which was great, my mum started on chemo and I feel it all went down hill from there, she got so weak and ill.

While my sister and I were in England at our grandparents we got a phone call from my brother, “the doctor has been out and he doesn’t think mum has long left, he’s advised you all to come out here” so off we went to Spain dreading the worst. Once in Spain they decided that mum should be brought back to England to made as comfortable as she can be and have the family around her. We had to get an ambulance to take us to the airport in Spain and one to pick us up on the other end and there was a lot to sort out at my grandparents house, they needed a hospital type of bed for mum and to organise a nurse to come and check up on her.

My mum stayed alive longer than what the doctor in Spain thought she would, I remember her laying in bed all the time, I remember her losing all her hair and only being skin and bones, I remember going in to see her but maybe not as much as I should have because I was young and kept all my emotions bottled up and I found it hard to take in.

The last day I remember being told my mum wanted to see us one by one, I don’t remember everything she said to me that day but I remember her telling me she loves me and I told her I loved her, a few hours later my grandad came downstairs and said “she’s gone” as he tried so hard to keep the tears from bursting out. That’s it, just like that she was gone.

I don’t remember much of the funeral other than crying all the way through and I remember my uncle putting his arm on my shoulder trying to calm me down but I couldn’t stop it felt like my heart had been ripped into a million pieces! 💔

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I don’t know what I would have done without my grandparents! They treated us four like their own, they took care of us, gave us everything we needed, Love, routine, healthy meals, guidance. Although they were suffering from losing their only daughter they tried their best to be strong for us and they brought us up and gave us loads of amazing memories.

For my grandma I think losing her daughter struck her more than what we think, she started to forget little things like what she’d had to eat and as time went on it became worse until she started forgetting that she’d eaten 5 minutes after tea, she forgot where the bathroom was and even started to forget who we are. My grandad managed to get her to the doctors and they did some tests and diagnosed her with alziemers, as time went on my grandad decided he needed to move to a smaller place where there was help if needed.

At the end of last year my grandma got very dehydrated as my grandad was struggling to get her to drink, so we had to take her to hospital to then be told by a doctor that she diddnt have long left and that she was at a stage where it wouldn’t be fair to resuscitate if it came to it. She went into a lovely care home where we visited every day and the ladies there seemed to really care and look after her. One day we got a phonecall out of the blew advising that her breathing had changed and they didn’t think she’d last the night so we went straight in and stayed with her all night, she was still there in the morning but we had been told that she hadn’t had water for a full day and that she could only last around 3 days without it, well just like my mum she went on for longer than they imagined, we made sure there was always someone there with her just incase the worse happened because we didn’t want her to be alone, my grandad and uncle were with her when she passed on and it broke our hearts all over again. 💔

She was such a selfless, beautiful, clever, wonderful person.

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